Off colour is fine, but everthing has its limits.
Let me make a start with a link to my favourite commercial. WARNING: it's 2.7MB. Downloadtime with cable modem 34 sec.
The language will change to English (?) after a few seconds.
get the file here
Hallo! Wir haben die > Forumsoftware aktualisiert! <
This reminds me of a Dutch commercial where the family is in its car in order to go to vacation and the father is switching on the radio. All the family (with children!) is enjoying the song and nobody thinks about the content because they don't understand the sentece "I wanna f... in the ..." meaning "I wanna do sodomy to you".
In the end: "Engels lernen?"
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function.
He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a
couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And,
next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack
looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping
- Love you!!"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
"Son...what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of
your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got
that black eye when you ran into the door."
"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so
clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for
His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the
bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, b*tch, I'm married!!!".
Broken table - $150.00
Hot breakfast - $12.00
Red Rose bud - $15.00
Two aspirins - $4.00
Saying the right thing, at the right time...
Hahah, this is really a good one! And I thought that probably his wife abused the situation to cheat on him, this is usually what jokes are like, but this one is even better. That is true: right words on right time are worth a lot!
Ein Junge starrt in der U-Bahn einen Mann an, der einen Kropf hat
Dieser läßt sich das eine Zeitlang gefallen, dann sagt er: "Wenn du mich noch lange so anstarrst, fresse ich dich!"
Darauf der Junge: "Schluck erst mal den anderen runter!"